(Not Political) Perspectives.

It’s been too long since I visited this blog the last time. I realized that I only blogged during those times when I am alone (or lonely- it has two different meaning). But… some things happened to me during the last three months, so I am not feeling that lonely anymore so I blog less 🙂 Anyway, I’ll save this topic for another post. In this post actually I want to talk about something else.

This topic might not be interesting, but idc I just want to talk, and I believe my blog is a good listener. So now, I am going to share one fact that I’ve been thinking about lately: My weight gain.

If there’s something I should be disgusted about, is that I gained weight. A lot of them.

If there’s something I should be grateful about, is that I gained weight. A lot of them.

That previous statements are kind of difficult to understand, I know.

Fact: I gained weight. A lot of my clothes don’t fit me anymore, or they do fit but too tight. I look at the mirror and I see those fats on my cheeks, on my neck, on my arms. It kind of surprised me to think that I gained that much of kgs in only two or three months.

How would I react? That fact might be quite scary for some girls (I said’some’, please don’t think that I’m generalizing all girls into one narrow girls-afraid-of-fats type). The current situation now where I gained weight is the fact, and there is nothing else I can do about it. There is nothing I can do about this fact that I gained weight at this very exact second, at this very exact minute. Unless if I can rewind the time, or I have that doraemon time machine.

But what’s going to make a difference, is our perspective. My perspective in looking at the phenomenon, and that’s what actually I want to talk about in this post. What I define by the term ‘perspective’ here is that these lenses we shall use to analyze our life phenomenon and thus the perspective we use in seeing things would influence the way we perceive and the way we judge everything.

Few years ago, I would be the first type of girl. Even without me gaining weight, I would still be calling myself ‘fat’, or ‘ugly’, and I believe then you could imagine how my reaction would be if the old me saw that number on the scale. I would curse myself, starve for days, calling me myself fat and ugly or what I always said ‘fugly’ (I used fugly to say fat and ugly, and also f*king ugly) in front of my friends and anyone so they wouldn’t call me fugly behind my back – just like what Fat Amy does in the Pitch Perfect. I would laugh when people calling me fat, but secretly I’m hating myself even more. That would be my reaction if this gaining-weight phenomenon happened in the past.

But now, I am tired of using the same perspective over and over again. Tired of the way I think that I should use the best and the most positive perspective I could use to perceive others’ doings and kindness, but using the worst possible for me.

Now I would rather change my lens, to look at the brighter side of the story. Both for the others, and also for me. How then my way of seeing this phenomena?

In the beginning of this post, I said ‘if there’s something I should be grateful about, is that I gained weight. A lot of them’. Why then I am being grateful about gaining weights that has no fun at all? Because I am finally enjoying life again.

If you follow my blog or at least read this one post (Yes, I Took it Off (1) ) you might would realize that there were times when I suffered quite a depression. Many facts (that I looked at it negatively) happened at once, not one or two, but a lot of them. Not to mention that I am that good in hiding my real feelings, so I often looked okay, but inside I’m drowning screaming for help. I kept everything in by myself, that even made the depression became extremely destructive. Although I have a lot of great friends who would gladly listen, but I always refused to talk with anyone about my sadness. I don’t want to admit that I’m facing difficulties, I don’t want to admit that I’m in deep pain. I don’t want anyone to look at me with that pity in their eyes, treat me differently. I don’t wanna look weak.

It was a very hard time for me. I couldn’t sleep, or eat, or socializing, or focusing on anything. The only thing I enjoyed was watching Running Man – funny South Korean variety show, because it was funny and it was the only thing that could stopped me from crying.

But then I realized that I have so many things to be grateful about, and the things (or people) I lost were not even worth the attention. I already lost a lot, thus the last thing I want is that I will start losing myself as well. I realized that admitting the miserable I’m in wouldn’t make me look weak, because admitting something not nice takes a lot of courage. Since then, I started to accept the situation I’m in, to less grieving and more loving, and most importantly, I changed my perspective in seeing bad and good things in life.

So now, I’m using a new point of view to understand the fact of my weight gain. This thing (tho it sounds horrible), it’s actually quite an achievement for me, if you think back about how suffered I was. I lost more than six kilograms in less than 2 months, its actually better than any type of diets. Now, those numbers on scale that keeps on rising was actually a proof of how much I’m enjoying my life. I’m enjoying some pizzas, burgers, chickens, ice creams I ate. I enjoy chatting with some friends in nice restaurants where we also grabbed something to eat. No wonder I gained a lot. But gaining weight is a good thing then, it shows my scale of happiness is also risen.

For some people out there, gaining weight is actually quite a shameful topic to talk about (for some, not all), but since now I’ve changed my perspective into looking at the brighter side, then for me, I see it as me myself defining my happiness. Enjoying foods, enjoying life, enjoying sleep late for doing things I can’t miss, enjoying waking up early for something exciting. Gaining weight might be bad because I need to think more about what to wear tomorrow morning, but for the rest, all is well.

And that’s I think what I want to try to deliver. That The matter of perspective you use is important.

Two different kind of feelings, or maybe three, or maybe more, are able to define one phenomenon in your life – it’s just depends on our perspective. Which one we wanna use? Positive? Negative? Optimist? Pessimist? I gained weight, and that’s a fact. A fact is something that no one can change, but we can always change our perspective, change our lens of seeing our life phenomenon. By changing our point of view, trust me, we will start seeing things differently then it will change the way you see everything and it will change yourself as well, into someone who is less grumpy and more happy (jk, happier).

I would admit it is not easy to change the way we see things, because I think it has been embedded in us since we were young little children. Such a habit, such a point of view, such judgement would be hard to change, but don’t worry everything needs process. Nothing happened in a blink of an eye, nothing happened overnight. Take your time, because I took mine. Enjoy your process, because I enjoyed mine.

Cheers! ❤

 

p.s this post isn’t just an empty reason/ omong kosong to justify me gaining weight, nor to justify me to gain more and more weight, because it’s unhealthy (at least for me, because I don’t do sport & eat veggie)

 


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