The title somehow reflects the norms of the society, pressure from the family towards women in all ages. But here I am saying that no, women DO have options.
Few days ago I made a facebook status out of frustration, saying
“It’s not that I’m against marriage, nor that I wanna be perawan tua or cat-women (literally). But I just believe that I’m so young, it’s not the time yet to think about such, and there’s something more than that for me. Something more than reproducing more human in this crowded world. Something more than marriage to be perceived as an achievement, or life goals. Yet no one seem to understand.”
And I think it made quite a discussion. Some people commented on the status, some chatted me personally, and some others..made another status that seems like reacting to what I wrote. I acknowledge that what I wrote was quite unclear about the point that I wanted to make – although actually the only point my status said was to say “leave me alone, I want to do this and that first, then I’ll think about marrying someone and bearing a kid“, yet some people interpreted it differently and it might seem like I was in-a-way verbally attack the other side of my opinion. To be honest, what I wrote was just my personal thought, and it wasn’t about “working women is the best” or “other young women supposed to be like me, like my thoughts“. It wasn’t. If there’s anything I would somehow conclude or point out from the status I made, it was more about this:
That women do have options, and that’s what the society sometimes forgot.
Sometimes we the society consciously and unconsciously repeatedly keeps on telling women of what they should do, how should they behave, what should they become, how the REAL women supposed to be and look like. Real women are thin/have curves, real women able to drive, real women can do everything by their own, real women are housewives, real women are the working women, real women are the mothers, real woman is a wife, real woman is this and that. But you know what, in my own eyes, there is no real woman. Every women is a real women, and they supposed to have freedom in expressing their options in life.
To go to college is an option, to be a mom is an option, to married or not / married in certain age is an option, to stay a widow is an option, to wear hijab is an option, to color your hair is an option, to be feminine or to be tomboy both are options, to work while you have three children is an option as being a stay-home mother is also an option. Just like any other options, just like saying that I prefer an apple than an orange. As simple as that. And I personally hope that any options women made doesn’t make people question her womanhood.
Instead of saying which is best and which is worst, why don’t we just come together and respect the options women made? Why don’t we let women made their own decisions happily & satisfyingly? And this is exactly the point I wanted to make in my facebook status, I want society to be aware of the options women have. It would be nice if people can start to respect my option in focusing my mind into other things first like personal achievement, more educational degree, loving my father mother siblings more, creating the peace of my own mind, travel more. After that, then I would think of other things behind my priority – maybe marriage, maybe something else. But for now, it isn’t my priority. Again, as simple as that. I wish society can stop demanding, requesting women to be anything but herself. I wish people would let us young women to made our own decisions, and appreciate any little option that we have made.
Lastly, To the young women out there, to the ones who just leave your teenager age and still trying to find your true-self, here is a message from someone who will turn 21 soon:
You, I, we are still young. Make up your mind, make up your decisions like whatever you want to be, as long as you are aware and ready to bear any consequences of your own options. You want to marry? Congratulations. You want to pursue your degree in Oxford? Good job. You wanna travel around Asia for a year? Enjoy. You want to be a wrestler? Good luck. You want to cut your hair short? Beautiful. No women are the same, and thus such term as real women supposed to be long gone, because women comes with different shape, different thoughts, and different dreams. Enjoy yourself & find yourself through your own amazing personal journey. Cheers.