#1 To-Do List 2020

So again, happy new year! Yes, I know I didnt write anything on the 2nd of Jan. I failed on the first day HAHA but that’s okay! Anyway, I’m dedicating my first post to write about my to-do list of 2020 or most people usually call it by NY resolution. I’m not calling it a resolution because resolution sounds like something grande, like a big-picture item. And no, it’s not gonna be something major like “purchase a star” or “lose 20kg”. I’m calling it to-do list because it makes me feel they are smaller goals and so feels more achievable, more detailed in the process of ‘why im doing it’ and ‘how im going to accomplish it’.

Healthier lifestyle. This is always on the top list on everyone’s resolution isn’t it? which explains why gym and saladbar always get so packed in January (true story!). My family has a history of diabetes and obesity, so I don’t want to fall under the same issue. But now I no longer want to go an a diet where I starved myself to death and only eat tasteless foods (which I did a long time ago). Instead, I will go for a balanced diet. Less white rice, drink more water, try to eat veggies and salad. Wake up early so I can prep my breakfast in the morning cutting fruits and yoghurt for breakfast, instead of carelessly grabbing croissant on the way out. Find the joy in exercising. I have started going to the gym twice a week starting few months ago. I used to go for an additional outdoor jog twice a week, which I couldn’t do anymore since I started my internship. Now that my internship is over, there is no reason for me not to go for it. No more excuse.

Be true to myself. 2019 taught me how to acknowledge my needs. This year I need to learn how to be more assertive with what I need and what I don’t, which is hard for me because I’m not used to communicating that. This year, I need to be more articulate. I need to be daring to say ‘no’ when I don’t want to do something. I will go after what I want, and will ask and step forward to move forward. This year I’m letting myself be heard.

Ask for help, Mal. This year, I will keep on reminding myself that it’s okay to do. The thing is I rarely ask for help, unless I’m in a group project where we have to collaborate or something. Well, what can I say… I am the oldest child of three, so I don’t have the habit of turning to someone for help. I was also raised by a very tough woman – there’s nothing she can’t do, so I learn to be Ms. Know-it-all (or I pretend to). This year though, I will learn to normalize that, share the burden instead of putting all unnecessary responsibilities under my shoulders.

Live in the moment and find more pleasure in the simplest & smallest thing. I used to live in slow-paced Yogyakarta where I got to look around to enjoy the smile of abang becak or enjoying a total stranger’ laugh from afar. Since I moved to this fast-paced DC though, I kinda walk quickly, move quickly, and forget to look around. I want to get it back this 2020. Stop for a minute and..take picture of a cute dog. Or take a deep breath and look at the moving clouds pushed by the wind. Or hold a conversation with a random stranger. Or talk with the unfortunates.

Celebrate ALL achievements, even the silly ones. Let it be losing 1 kg, or finally taking the campus bus for the first time. I want to be excited and celebrating the progress I made.

Pick up a new hobby/skill. Hmm yass! I want to get back to read for fun, I used to read a lot before I moved to the Netherlands. Legit the highlight of my childhood was monthly trip to Toko Gunung Agung and Gramedia where I got to buy sh*tloads of books. Learn new language like Spanish I mean strangers mistakenly for Latina a lot, so much that real Spanish speakers would confidently say 3-4 sentences in Spanish to me hoping that I would reply them with other than ‘Sorry English please’, so much that sometimes they don’t even believe me when I said I’m Asian. Wouldn’t it be cool though to reply them back in Spanish fluently? Only to show off at the end and say ‘actually I’m not Spanish’. Right?? Or other alternative, I can re-learn my Dutch hoping that my memory wants to cooperate. I also want to try martial arts tho, something like muay thai lol let’s see on this one.

Practice the language of self-love. Practice makes perfect. Bisa karna biasa. I’m trying my best to love myself more, to accept that I’m just a normal human being who will stumble, and will make mistakes and thats ok! That I am imperfectly perfect. That the jiggly fat around my belly (or basically around my entire body) is normal and I should thank them because they keep me warm! I need to forgive myself as easy as I’m forgiving other people for things they did me wrong. I feel there are a lot of times when I punish myself for even the smallest mistake. I know I shouldn’t and so, I’m sorry Amalia. I’ll do better. Cheers to more self-care! Like allowing myself to just rest the whole day, having more self-dates although no one understands why I find the joy in myself to dinner & cinema. One of the way of practicing selfcare is………… (read next paragraph)

Learn to receive compliments. I guess this one is pretty difficult eh? It feels weird isn’t it for saying ‘thank you’ when someone says idk…like i have a nice pair of eyes. Also, honestly I used to and still kinda am feel that I’m not worthy of admiration, so when someone compliments me I just feel that they either lying to me or they want something in return. It’s dangerous for me to be that way because the thing is.. I can believe all the worst things people say to me and about me so easily, but why I can’t even listen to one good thing people say about me? So, I’m trying to change that – to believe that I still have tiny pieces of beauty in the middle of all my other imperfections. Ever since the end of 2019, I started saying “thank you” when I got a compliment and it feels liberating tbh. This is something that I should practice more.

Last but not least, just laugh it off. I overthink too much sometimes, even about things I definitely cannot control. This 2020 I want to let myself laugh when sh*t happens beyond my control.

So yep, that’s all. Let’s see whether making it into smaller goals help me to achieve everything on the list, including the martial arts one😳

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